There once was a man from Niagra, whose life was enlightened by... 
Sunday, May 7, 2006, 01:45 AM

Sorry, I've always wanted to start a blog with that, you know, raising the issue, but couldn't find a good enough reason... until now.

Anywho, I noticed that once again my undoubted bias has led me to neglect the wonderful crew involved in this shambles (sorry, production - I'm gonna get a punch from Mr Director for that). I mean, who cares about the cast? They're just a bunch of overpaid, make-up wearing prissies - apart from Nigel Billing, Kylie Cushman & John Mangan, of course.

"Have you got the the point of what you're going to say yet?" I was just asked - me? waffle? Imagine Charlie Sheen saying 'waffle'...

OK, so here is a brief run down of the 8 or so people who really run the show:

(1), (2), (3)...(7) & (8) - Luke Morgan-Rowe

Only kidding!

(1) Piers "Midnight" Leigh - our director of photography. Piers is a very experienced and highly sought-after cinematographer. From our first meeting with him, his image for the film correlated with Mr Writer/Director's perfectly, and he will be a pleasure to work with I'm sure.

(2) Michael "The Hef" Johns - our sound recordist & Consigliere. A very experienced member of the British film industry, Michael offers us sage (yup, I said it again!) advice as well as flawless sound recording! He even has his own IMDB page... oooo, la-di-da.

(3) Marc "Marb" Knapton - our VFX guy. Well, I hope so...

(4) Justin "R" Durbin - our music composer. Yea, I don't know what's with the "R" either, but Mr Director insists on it, so there you go. Anywho, he currently works for X-Ray Dog, a well respected trailer music composing company thing - but he mainly does excellent scores for games & films.

(5) Dewi "Riggs" Morgan - our senior production consultant. I came up with that title - and am so proud! Dewi has been a good friend / enemy for some time now, and despite what people say, he's actually rather clever - without him, well we'd still make it, but it'd take a lot longer!

(6) Yin "Chick Pea" Lee - our key straight makeup artist. Yin has a fantastic portfolio, and will offer unique and intriguing straight makeup.

(7) Aaron "Bruv" Pritchard - our key hair stylist. Despite the title, Aaron is not gay ("not that there's anything wrong with that..." - Seinfeld). Aaron has been doing my hair for over 4 years now, so anyone who has seen me knows enough to be very, very concerned.

(8) Laura Odette Phipps - our key special effects makeup artist. The newest member of our small and utterly creepy family, Laura is taking on one of the more pressurised roles, as Mr Director is himself an SFX makeup artist - so that's like going to work for a cat as a gatto. Laura is very enthusiastic & we are very impressed with the work she has done so far.

So there you have it and now you know. Your day is complete and your night, like a beckoning virgin, awaits the thrusting advance of your felicitatious instincts.

10 pounds for whoever spots the made up word in my post.

With riotous and engaging concern for your well-being, surrender now or face my wrath,

Luke "Jeff Garlin" Morgan-Rowe.
Executive Producer what doesn't get a middle initial.

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RE: Problems posting comments... 
Sunday, April 30, 2006, 12:01 PM
If you had any trouble posting comments on blog entries before, you should be able to post comments now.

If you're still experiencing any difficulties posting comments, please e-mail us, detailing your problem, and we'll do our best to sort it out.


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If not Nigel Billing, then who?!... 
Saturday, April 29, 2006, 11:29 PM
I was strolling down Jermyn Street on Tuesday pondering over my creative input to this movie - I've had a minor role to play so far with a few lines here and there, which some people would say is more than enough, as I am not considered to be very creative - but I got 78% in GCSE art, so who are they to comment on my creativity?! Now don't get my wrong, I am very happy with our cast - they are all very talented and we are lucky to have them - but if it were up to me, the billboard in Picadilly Circus would look very different:

Max Payne - Noel Edmunds

Clarence Volpe - Val Kilmer

Jessica Logan - Jay Cutler (in drag)

Ok, that's enough of me being creative - but heed this warning people - the day will come when demons will trumpet the collapse of world markets, Mephistopheles will herald the fall of the human soul & I will release my cut of the film - and the devil alone shall sing in praise!

The Screening Party...

For those of you who haven't read my comment on FG's post about Wikipedia-gate, I made a most excellent anouncement - I can confirm that the screening party will take place at London's Electric Cinema. This is the 'first class' of cinemas - leather arm chairs with foot rests, a bar, food etc - trust me, if you are one of the lucky 100, you are in for one hell of a good time! How do I get to be one those lucky 100? I hear you ask - well, it is certainly not on to put cats through the post, Mrs PGR, so you are definitely not on the list - but I will gladly accept gifts, so long as they are not livestock (& they must be of at least 100 value).

So back to doing what I do best - well, that's pretty much everything - but in this case, it's winding up the Fins...

Buenos nachos,

Luke "Jeff Garlin" Morgan-Rowe.
Life Long Jack Kluggman Fan & Executive Producer.

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Wiki Wild Wikipedia... 
Tuesday, April 25, 2006, 09:41 PM
It is a sad day when one must report their Wikipedia page mercilessly destroyed at the hands of barbaric, relentless Wikipedians... But, as the great Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "we must move on".

For those of you who missed out on our epic journey throughout the wild and wacky wilderness of Wikipedia, without further ado, I present to you, in all its glory, the one and only, the original, the now dead, Max Payne: Payne & Redemption Wikipedia article!...

... in JPG format.

Oh, come on. You can't have everything.

(Beat) <-- That's script language for a pause, BTW.

Anyway, I've been awake for over 26 hours straight, working on various props for the film, so I'd probably better get some rest before I irretrievably screw something up and end up blaming everyone else for my own incompetence - At least, I THINK that makes sense...

Buenas noches!

Surgeon J. "FG" Schmuck.
Writer / Director & All Round Indescribably Cool Guy.

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I am writing this whilst wearing a Creme Egg easter box on my head... 
Tuesday, April 18, 2006, 02:33 AM
Some people say that the long and windy road exists to challenge people, to develop endurance and test reserve & determination. I say that it's there to annoy me, and very shortly everyone involved in making this film.

You see, believe it or not, after 7 munts looking for a location, I very possibly, may-be, peut-etre be able to perhaps mention that we could, with any luck, have a location for the shoot. I don't wish to jinx it, though, as the DP has to clear it before I can go all Robert Downey-Jnr with my 1996 bottle of Billecart-Salmon Rose (I still don't know why people hate me...).

I'm not going to reveal where the location is, obviously because we don't want to have to deal with the thronging masses who will now doubt gather to see the shoot - oh who am I kidding, to see me. I will however tell you [here comes the link to the 1st bit of the post] that it is down a very long and windy road - and that, ladies & ladies, is what Alanis Morrisette incorrectly analgorised with ironic.

Now, I could have said all that in one or two lines, so it would be fair to say that I like to waffle, to which I would reply - "Waffle this"

Hugs & kisses,
Luke "Jeff Garlin" Morgan-Rowe
World's Smallest Executive Producer.

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